How to Be a Good Friend to an Autistic Person

Key Points:

• Learning how to be friends with an autistic person starts with empathy, flexibility, and a willingness to understand their communication style.
• Respecting boundaries, being patient, and accepting different expressions of emotion are central to meaningful friendships.
• True friendship involves listening without judgment, being consistent, and offering support without trying to change someone.

Friendship can be one of life’s most rewarding experiences. It’s built on connection, trust, and the comfort of knowing someone accepts you just as you are. For many people, especially parents teaching children or teens about inclusion, learning how to be friends with an autistic person can open the door to deeper understanding—not just of others, but of themselves as well.

Being a good friend to someone on the autism spectrum doesn’t mean treating them like a project or walking on eggshells. It means approaching the friendship with genuine interest, openness, and a bit of humility. It’s about meeting someone where they are, not where you assume they should be.

Is It Hard to Be Friends with an Autistic Person?

No—it’s not hard to be friends with an autistic person, but it may take a bit more awareness and intention. Like any friendship, it involves learning how the other person communicates, what makes them feel safe, and how they prefer to connect.

Some autistic people are very social and eager to build relationships, while others may prefer limited interaction or need time to warm up. Communication might look different—some may be non-verbal or have a unique way of expressing emotion—but that doesn’t mean there’s a lack of interest or affection. Often, it just means you need to adjust how you listen and respond.

Understanding the Social World of an Autistic Person

Navigating social interactions can feel different for autistic individuals. Understanding their social world helps build empathy, patience, and more meaningful connections rooted in acceptance rather than expectation.

The Role of Sensory and Social Processing

Autistic individuals often experience the world through a different sensory lens. This might mean they find certain lights too bright, sounds too loud, or social situations overwhelming. When thinking about how to be friends with an autistic person, understanding these sensory and social differences is key.

Some people on the spectrum may:

• Avoid eye contact, not out of rudeness, but because it feels uncomfortable or overstimulating.
• Take longer to respond to questions or statements.
• Prefer talking about a specific topic they love in great detail.
• Struggle with sarcasm, slang, or figurative language.

This doesn’t make communication impossible—it just means we need to communicate with more intention, and less assumption.

Building Trust and Comfort

For many autistic people, social interactions can feel unpredictable. Establishing a friendship might take longer, but once trust is built, it can be deeply meaningful and sincere.

What matters most is consistency—showing up, being kind, and giving space when needed. The little things go a long way.

Practical Ways to Be a Better Friend

Everyone wants to feel understood and accepted. When learning how to be friends with an autistic person, there are practical, respectful actions that help the relationship flourish.

Start with Empathy, Not Pity

Autistic people don’t need fixing. They need friends who see their value and are open to different ways of thinking, feeling, and connecting. Approach the friendship with curiosity and compassion, not sympathy.

Respect Communication Styles

Some autistic individuals communicate through speech, others through gestures, writing, or assistive technology. Whatever the method, honor their way of expressing themselves:

• Give time to respond without interrupting.
• Avoid forcing small talk if it doesn’t come naturally.
• Don’t assume a lack of expression means a lack of feeling.

Be Clear and Direct

Clear, literal language is often appreciated. Instead of saying, “Catch you later,” try “I’ll see you tomorrow at lunch.” Avoid sarcasm or vague hints.

Offer Consistent Support

Autistic friends often appreciate routines and predictability. If you say you’ll be somewhere, follow through. If plans change, give advance notice when possible.

Tips for Helping Autistic Children Build Inclusive Friendships

Parents play a powerful role in modeling inclusive behavior and teaching their children how to be friends with an autistic person. Here’s how to start that conversation and support those friendships.

Normalize Differences

Talk about neurodiversity in a positive, matter-of-fact way. Explain that everyone’s brain works differently and that those differences are part of what makes people interesting.

Encourage Empathy and Patience

Remind children that if someone doesn’t respond right away or plays differently, that’s okay. Encourage asking questions kindly, and always listening more than assuming.

Celebrate Shared Interests

Friendships often begin with shared activities. Whether it’s trains, video games, drawing, or puzzles, help kids find those points of connection.

Common Misunderstandings to Let Go Of

Friendship with an autistic person may challenge some social norms—but that’s not a bad thing. Let go of these myths to better support authentic relationships.

“They Don’t Want Friends”

Many autistic individuals deeply desire connection but may not express it in typical ways. Loneliness can be a very real issue. Being patient and open can help bridge that gap.

“They Should Learn to Fit In”

Autistic people shouldn’t have to suppress who they are to be accepted. Instead of encouraging masking, focus on creating environments where differences are safe and celebrated.

“They’re Being Rude”

Skipping small talk, avoiding eye contact, or focusing on one topic for a long time isn’t disrespect—it’s often just a different way of socializing. Shift the perspective from judgment to understanding.

What True Friendship Looks Like

When it comes down to it, being a good friend to an autistic person doesn’t require special skills—just thoughtfulness and respect. Good friends:

• Accept each other’s quirks.
• Make space for silence or excitement.
• Laugh together, even if the jokes don’t always land the same way.
• Stand up for each other.
• Stay honest and kind, even in tough moments.

Friendship isn’t about getting it perfect. It’s about showing up, again and again, with open hearts and willing minds.

When More Support Is Needed: Consider ABA Therapy

While friendship is powerful, some children benefit from structured guidance to help them build social and daily living skills. That’s where ABA therapy in North Carolina can help.

Achieve Better offers ABA therapy in North Carolina, providing personalized support for children on the autism spectrum. Through evidence-based practices, ABA therapy focuses on building communication, social, and behavioral skills—skills that often enhance a child’s ability to form meaningful relationships.

Whether your child is learning how to express themselves, engage with peers, or navigate group settings, ABA therapy offers practical tools and positive reinforcement to support growth. If you're seeking structured, compassionate help to guide your child’s social development, reach out to us today. We’re here to walk with you—one step, one skill, one friendship at a time.